10 Weeks of Winter

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

A journal style blog exploring the pleasure and enjoyment of winter.

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First Post — 10 Weeks of Winter: An Introduction

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Michelle is an American born Canadian resident of the Pacific Northwest, hobby writer, book lover, and generally of the autodidact polymath smattering of knowledge, skills, and interests.

  • Week 9 of Winter: Breathing

    Respiration…

    As the river flows, as the waves roll in and out from the shore, as branches sway, as winter comes and winter goes, so the breath moves through my being. Sometimes imperceptibly so. Sometimes as a squeezing or as a wide-opening force. No matter how it shows up, it’s always connected, to everything. How I feel comes from my breath, and that affects how I understand and think about the world around me. But I do not choose my breath. My breath chooses me.

    The ancients knew what we moderns have forgotten. Return with me briefly to antiquity when in Latin, spiritus, the word from which spirit derives, meant “to breathe”. Breath and spirit, spirit and breath, not distinct, but rather the same. Respiration comes directly from this Latin root meaning to re-spirit, to spirit again, to re-breathe. Us moderns are likely more familiar with the concepts of ancient India than Rome, nevertheless the ancient Indians held the same notion of breath. They called it prana, or “life energy”. Whether spirit or life energy or breath, the ancients agreed, this is the thing that you are, that animates you, that moves and inhabits your being. Breath is the what and how of your life at the most fundamental level.

    Harnessing breath…

    Left unattended the breath continue on its own to support your sustained existence, but life takes a toll and for most of us our breath, our life energy, becomes compromised or deviated from its optimal function. For me, this usually takes the form of shallow breathing. I sit a lot, I get nervous or slightly panicked by my to-do lists and other external pressures. My neck and shoulders tighten as I try to go faster and do more, and I hunch under the strain of it all. These ordinary experiences cause my breath to move only into the top part of my lungs above my heart. It’s a rapid breath, and not very nourishing. My circulation slows down. Toes and fingers and the skin around my ankles become chilly. Once the discomfort of cold extremities starts to creep toward my core I might notice and move or sit up straighter or put on socks. In my heightened state of alertness, which has occurred not from imminent danger but rather from the experience of performance pressures, my rapid breathing causes me to talk fast in meetings, which causes me to become short of breath, which makes me panic, which causes me to breath shallower. In fairness, these are the more dramatic experiences I have of shallow, short, rapid breath, but I do have them intermittently. More commonly I just don’t breathe deeply. I’m not in a panicked state, but I’m not in a calm relaxed state either. During periods when I’m not attending to my breath it ranges from those shallow above the heart pulses to a mild expansion of the chest out to the sides of the body around the heart level – it’s still limited and faster than necessary.

    Many people, like me, experience heighted arousal of the breath and nervous system that is disproportionate to their circumstances – that is to say that we make a mountain out of a mole hill. We’re wired to be responsive to environmental pressures, like being hunted by a wolf pack, and get stimulated into action. But in the modern era the time pressures of meetings, appointments, and deadlines feel like being hunted by wild animals even though the time crunches and demands and mounting expectations won’t kill you on their own. They won’t come remotely close to hurting you at all, and you’ll meet and achieve them better in a calm, measured, relaxed state of productivity. Instead of saving your life by putting you in high gear, the panic and pressure only hurt you in the modern world.

    The antidote to this disordering function of modern life is deliberate intentional breathing, or breathing exercises. If a breathing practice isn’t your cup of tea, just go get some cardio – walking, cycling, running, swimming – that’ll do you wonders. Personally, I find I benefit from a little more focus on breath than relying on cardio alone, which is wonderful but doesn’t build deliberate control over breath in the same way that breathing practices support control over breathing. It’s useful to me to have control over my breath when I step into a meeting or give a presentation. It regulates my mood and my mind. It helps me pace myself and speak clearly and coherently. Breath is more than a tool, it is what I am. The quality of my breath is directly related to the quality of my performance and experience in life.

    Let’s revisit the ancients, because they really had this thing worked out. We’re going to stick to the Indian Vedic period (1500 BCE) when pranayama was developed. Prana, we know, means breath or life energy, and ayama means extension, control, or restraint. Combine them to get the mastery of life energy. Now, maybe it should be advised that there is a potential for mastery over your own life energy, but Pranayama does not grant powers, that I’m aware of, over external forces or other people. Nevertheless pranayama is unbelievably powerful in changing you. Change your breath and change your spirit. Change your breath and change yourself.

    Whole books and courses and lives can be spent in the depths and nuances of breath and breathing. I am but a humble practitioner of some of these techniques and do not profess to know all of the ins and outs (ha! see what I did there). What I do know is anecdotal – i.e., I know my own experience. Breathing is my number ONE relaxation technique!!! All other relaxation techniques and experiences just facilitate deeper, longer cycles of breathing. Take a hot bath, breathe deeper. Drink a peppermint tea, breathe deeper. Go for a walk, breathe deeper. Get a massage, breathe deeper. It’s all a way to breathe deeper. So maybe just breathe deeper and skip the rest. This, of course, is easier said than done, which is why there’s really no reason to throw out other forms of relaxation – sometimes a facilitator is exactly what’s needed. However, it’s possible to cultivate your ability to breathe deeper at will through breathing practices and exercises.

    Abdominal breathing…

    The foundation for breath work is abdominal breathing, and if you start there and stick with only that practice, that would be enough. Abdominal breathing is a practice of relaxing the entire body except for the most basic functions while carrying the easy, automatic flow of the movement of breath into the lower abdominal region. It becomes near to, or completely, a full body experience. Learning abdominal breathing is essential for all other breathing practices. It helps teach or remind the body to breathe deeper and slower (or more calmly) so that shallow breath states become fewer. It helps you notice when your breath has become shallow (i.e., you can feel that a change in your breathing has occurred more acutely). It also is the best remedy for restlessness and getting to sleep that I have ever encountered.

    Other breathing techniques like kapalabhati and bhastrika offer other benefits, like detoxifying the body through powerful exhales, heating up the body, improving circulation, and oxygenating the blood which improves the whole body system including enhanced focus and mental clarity. I would recommend exploring these techniques with a trained practitioner. They are incredibly valuable, but they require some skill development. Its best to have a teacher who can guide you and ensure you are performing the technique correctly (e.g., not hyperventilating). You can find practitioners online, or check out a local yoga class.

    Where to begin…

    Breath is connected to movement. Getting exercise, stretching, doing yoga, or otherwise moving your body will stimulate breath. Look into abdominal breathing. There are numerous tutorials on YouTube. Meditation with a focus on breath can be a way to increase awareness of your breath, which is the starting place for controlling your breathing. Alternatively to pranayama, you can try the Wim Hof breath hold method. It’s a way to experience deeper breathing and breath control (again, put “Wim Hof” into YouTube’s search). Once you have these basics underway you can explore the more sophisticated techniques like kapalabhati and bhastrika pranayama.

    Winter breathing…

    My original 10 Weeks of Winter plan incorporated breathing practice (or breathing exercises) as an intervention for my diminishing mood during the darkest part of winter. I started off pretty consistent, but as December wore on and life got busier I found it difficult to maintain. But it was more than that. When I drop an activity that I had been doing regularly, usually there’s something going on that has caused me to not want to do what I had planned. In the case of breath practices, I think it was making me feel more sensitive. I consulted with a friend who has considerable experience with these kind of practices, and she agreed that some breath practices can bring on additional awareness or sensitivity. This is also true of mediation practices, and it was something I had experienced before. There have been times when I can manage greater sensitivity, but this winter was not one of them, so I let most of my breath practices fall aside. There are two exceptions. I have used kapalabhati and bhastrika pranayama prior to going outside or to motivate myself to exercise – just brief sessions and on an as needed basis to warm up and energize the body. And the one I have done most consistently is abdominal breathing before bed – this practice had significantly improved my sleep quality this winter, and I think it has been a helpful tool for improving my winter experience by allowing me to decompress after too much screentime and connect back in with the long dark winter night.

  • Week 9 of Winter: Hot Chocolate

    A winter treat…

    Besides snow, the best most wintery treat in the world is a steaming mug of hot chocolate. It’s the stuff of dreams and happiness to sip sweet creamy chocolate as the bitter cold winter day drifts by. I have been experimenting with brewing batches and mugs of hot chocolate for many years trying to perfect the art of this particular beverage. While I would say my experiments are far from over, I have found some blends and brews that I truly enjoy.

    In my experiments with brewing hot chocolate, I have settled on four approaches or styles of the drink that appeal in their own unique ways: Classic, Creamy, Flavored, and Extra Chocolatey.

    Classic hot chocolate…

    The classic hot chocolate is the kind that come from a package or a mix which is blended with hot water or milk and served with marshmallows on top. This is the quintessential Christmas time hot cocoa drink. In the past the classic hot chocolate approach was not my personal preference. I usually would like a creamy hot chocolate over a watery one and the powdered instant mixes were overly sweet or oddly flavored. However, over the past couple years this mode of hot cocoa has become my go-to. I found a blume brand superfood latte reishi hot cacao mix that I absolutely love! I mix about two to three teaspoons in boiling water and top off the mug with cream and sometimes marshmallows. The flavor is complex and delicious. It doesn’t taste like chemicals and it’s untweeted. Personally I prefer a less sweet base drink that I can add sweetener to if I want some, but I find this drink is good unsweetened and I rarely add anything sweet beyond mini marshmallows to the top. It’s a perfect soothing wintery cup of hot cocoa and with all the ease of the instant packet mixes!

    Creamy hot chocolate…

    The creamy version of hot chocolate comes mostly from using a fuller fat milk or cream base. My recommendation is to heat the cream and whisk in a generous amount of high quality cacao powder (maybe two tablespoons). Be sure to set the heat to medium-low heat so as not to burn the milk or cream. I always add vanilla to a creamy blend, and if possible, I use a vanilla bean. Vanilla enhances the creamy flavor of the milk. Just cut the vanilla bean pod open to scrape out some of the seeds and place them directly in the blend then add the remains of the pod and seeds to the brew. Instead of sweetening creamy hot chocolate, I make homemade whipped cream sweetened with high quality maple syrup, which I add to the top of the beverage. It’s cream on cream for the best ever creamy hot chocolate! For sweeter versions, add any kind of sweetener directly to the milk or cream base as it’s heating.

    Flavored hot chocolate…

    Often it can be refreshing to have a little variety in the flavor of a prepared beverage. At Christmas time peppermint and candy cane flavors are a fun and festive addition to a brew of hot chocolate. I use either peppermint extra or I just swirl a candy cane around in my drink. This works with any of the types of hot chocolate described here. Vanilla is a common and lovely additional flavor, as is cinnamon, nutmeg, and almond. Add flavor in whole or ground spice form or add liquid extra directly to the beverage, the brew, or the whipped cream topping.

    Extra chocolatey hot chocolate…

    Chocolate lovers gather round, I have something special for you. My extra chocolatey hot chocolate recipe comes from a hot chocolate I had decades ago at a café near the conservatory of music in Moscow. It was not like any hot chocolate I had ever had before. It was a thick drink of chocolate, like drinking a heated up semi-sweet chocolate bar. It was profoundly delicious but difficult to finish. You don’t need much to sip on when it’s something quite that dense. My version is a variation of what I tasted in that far away place during that far away time which is rich in chocolate flavor but not quite so thick. To make it, slowly heat up one cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips on medium-low heat. This takes some time, be patient. As the chips begin to melt you can begin to slowly stir them into a chocolate puddle. Next very slowly add about a quarter cup of whipping cream at a time, blending thoroughly before adding the next quarter cup. Continue until 1 cup of whipping cream has been blended in. Turn up the heat just a touch toward true medium to bring the temperature up. Add about ½ teaspoon of cayenne pepper and one cinnamon stick. Continue slowly stirring for at least 10 minutes. This chocolate sauce is your hot chocolate drink base. Using a spatula transfer the chocolate sauce into a container for storage (I keep the cinnamon stick in with the chocolate sauce in the container). To make the hot cocoa, add about 2 to 3 tablespoons of the chocolate sauce to 1 cup boiling water or heated milk and stir thoroughly for a rich, sweet, chocolatey delight!

  • Week 9 of Winter: Winter Walks

    Moving meditation…

    Step-by-step through sways and shifts walking stimulates a forward moving continual rebalancing. Legs swing out from the hips, articulating at the knee, and grounding through the ankle to the toes. Arms pump or sway or hang at the sides with moderate motion from the shoulders reaching down and out through the fingertips. The core rises up strengthening the spinal column from tail bone to midsection to neck all the way to the top of the head with subtle rotations supporting the fluid dynamic of walking.

    Walking is a supple experience – with attention placed on the details of moving from one step to the next it’s possible to feel the transitions through motion filled of aliveness and ability. Even when the body has stuck, uncomfortable places, other parts of the motion happen with graceful ease. Unlike more static states, such as standing or sitting, walking brings more embodiment to impermanence, the transitory experience of being. Neither to be judged as necessarily bad or good, but rather as changeable, moving, flowing from one experience into the next and the next and the next.

    Years ago I spent considerable time with and dedication to a meditation practice. I have a constitution which makes meditation, or “sitting” as it is sometimes referred, not exactly easy but very doable. I learned some important lessons about myself, about life, and about spiritual practice from sitting meditations, but most importantly I learned about the limits of sitting meditation. Others will have different limits. Those with a constitution oriented toward activity and perpetually doing or accomplishing will have strikingly different experiences with sitting meditation than I did. As for me, someone who is by nature passive, receptive, and prone to daydreaming (or at its worst dissociation), I could sit all day with no experience of boredom and no emotional discomfort. The worst I remember is some physical discomfort from numbing of the limbs (not a circulation issue but rather from pinched nerves). Does that mean I’m enlightened? Absolutely not. It only reveals that I don’t encounter much discomfort from sitting meditation, but I absolutely do from other activities. Yoga turned out to be a far more powerful practice for me. Holding uncomfortable, especially active, poses contains important information about how I react emotionally or how I let my thinking or nervous system get involved in distracting me out of something I don’t like. Regardless of one’s disposition or personality, meditation practices all boil down to mindfulness – being able to bring non-judgmental attention to what is occurring. For some a sitting practice may be a more powerful tool, for folks like me a more active practice like yoga might better hone mindfulness skills, but I would like to make a case that almost anyone could benefit from walking to develop mindfulness.

    Zero cost therapy…

    Walking has the advantage of being a natural state of motion for human beings. We’re literally built for it. It’s easy as pie to turn up or turn down the dial on the intensity of the activity: just change the distance, pace, carry more/less extra weight (e.g., in a backpack), or include or exclude inclines.

    Walking uses the visual system in important ways which are incredibly therapeutic. To walk you must look ahead, passively survey the landscape through your peripheral vision, and change your focus from close attention (to the uneven pavement for example) to the distance ahead. It’s good for your eyes to move through changes in focus and look out passively. It relieves the tight focus many have from reading and looking at screens causing eye strain. Vision has a direct connection to the brain and is linked with cognitive function and mental health. Walking gives the eyes a break from the habitual patterns.

    Walking also give the body a break from the usual. Instead of maintaining static or contorted states when sitting or standing, walking moves the body in and out of different positions. Similarly to the eyes, different muscles get to turn on and turn off in sequence providing relief for some and strengthening others. Walking is literally considered a recovery activity within physical fitness domains. It’s as good or better than some forms of rest. It burns calories and stimulates the metabolism to keep burning calories, it’s a great way to warm up OR cool down from a workout, and walking loosens up and stretches out the body. It just feels good.

    Take a break…

    Whether engaging in low intensity or high intensity walking the cardiovascular system gets involved. Heart rate increases, even if just a little, and the breath elongates. Again, for me, this is much more effective than a sitting meditation that focuses on breath. I’m less likely to get involved in the depth of my breath at a conscious level and more likely to passively experience deeper respiration when walking. I have a desk job, I sit too much. Walking is the antidote for this behavior and it’s negative effects which have a lot to do with breathing and circulation. Walking gets your blood flowing and makes you breath more fully and roundly. I remember a time when smoke breaks were a more prevalent part of the 9 to 5 workday, and I knew many people who would go out for their 10 minutes or so to smoke a cigarette. I recall hearing that even with the negative impacts of cigarette smoking, many smokers experienced a calm reset from deep inhalation and exhalation (again even though they were breathing cigarette smoke). I don’t know if those claims were true, but just taking a moment to pause and inhale deeply like you’re smoking and then exhale all the way like you’re blowing smoke out feels relaxing. Now, instead of taking a 10 minutes to breathe, what if you just took a 10 minute walk? You’ll breath in and out more deeply, you’ll get therapeutic movement, you’ll help reduce eyestrain and relax your vision, and you’ll improve mental focus and clarity through a relatively passive mindfulness practice – all for free! Try to find that in pill form!!!

    Winter walking…

    Finally, the winter part of this post. A daily walk was one of my winter protocols for my 10 Weeks of Winter project, where my hypothesis was that if I spent at least 10 minutes per day walking outside I would gain advantages from all I described above plus getting actual daylight (i.e., sunlight) into my eyes and onto my skin. Daylight (technically sunlight, but please don’t look straight at the sun) has been shown to be an important factor in generating vitamin D and supporting healthy circadian rhythms. This translates to: improved mood and better sleep quality. I’ve been pretty good about going for a daily walk this winter, and I have noticed a difference. I especially notice a difference in the evening. Days when I don’t walk, I’m inclined to blow past my bed time. I don’t get as sleepy when I need to feel tired and ready for bed. On evenings when I have gone for a walk I notice that I have better more steady alertness until I’m tired, and because of that I notice the tiredness more in contrast to feeling alert and am more responsive to it resulting in better bed times.

    It’s not just sleep quality and energy in the evening though. My daily walks have helped me de-stress and get a chance to be outdoors to appreciate my favorite season. The only catch is that winter walks have to be taken middy if the aim is to be out during the light times. That means I have to fit them into my work schedule. I tried morning walks a couple times, but it was too dark to really feel the benefits. I also tried a couple later afternoon walks through the embers of the day, but they too did not provide enough light. The best hours seem to be between 10 AM and 2 PM. So I have had to build them into my schedule. 10 minutes is possible to fit in, but longer walks are admittedly more difficult to accommodate except on weekends.

    Walking dosage…

    Everybody needs something a little customized to their goals and physicality and schedule, etc. The following are my experiences with walking and what constitutes as a “dosage” for which purposes.

    • 10 minute walk any pace: quick reset, gets daylight, calms and deepens breathing
    • 20 minute walk any pace: start to feel good in body and mind, feel more relaxed, helps circulation, mood boost
    • 30 minute walk slow to moderate pace: meditative, therapeutic, better sleep
    • 30 minute walk fast pace: stimulating and energizing, detoxifying, mental reset
    • 30+ minute walk any pace: solid workout, supports tiredness at the end of the day in a good way, facilitates mental focus and creativity

  • Week 9 of Winter: Cabbage Soup

    Getting lighter…

    Leeks and cabbages pile high in grocery store shelves in January. Keeping with a trend of eating seasonal fare calls for recipes that make good use of these vegetables. Leeks are great in frittatas and quiches, but cabbages can be a little trickier to incorporate into a meal plan, especially in the winter when warm meals are preferrable. Personally, I love to make a pot of cabbage soup. It’s a brothy soup that’s soothing and easy on the digestive systems. It’s light and supportive of cleansing protocols because of its low calorie count and gentle nutrition. It’s also easy on the wallet.

    Cabbage soup can make for a good option when entertaining a restrictive low calorie diet, but I need a little more substance with my meals. I like to add potatoes for a more filling soup. Sides of sourdough bread with butter are always delicious, but best of all is roasted chicken. I love to roast a whole chicken! It smells delicious, it’s simple, and it yields a good amount of lean protein. Just preheat your over to 425 degrees Fahrenheit, rub the chicken with generous amounts of salt and pepper, pour about a stick of melted butter over the chicken slowly to coat it. Then bake in the oven for 90 minutes. I usually baste it once at about 45 minutes in by spooning the buttery juices back over the chicken then returning it to the oven. I think cabbage soup is served best over roasted chicken with a bit of fresh spinach, and don’t forget the green onions on top!

    Cabbage Soup Recipe

    Total cook and prep time: 45-60 minutes

    Makes 8-10 servings.

    Ingredients:

    • 1-2 tbsp olive oil
    • 2 leeks, sliced
    • 1-2 cloves garlic, minced
    • 1 shallot, minced
    • (Optional: 2-3 cups cubed potatoes or vermicelli if starch is desired)
    • 2 cups bone broth
    • 1 savoy cabbage, sliced into thin strips
    • 2-4 cups water
    • 1 bunch flat leaf Italian parsley, chopped
    • 1 bunch fresh thyme sprigs
    • 1 tsp salt, or to taste
    • 2 lemons, juiced
    • Optional, green onions for garnish

    Notes:

    1. Add ginger, turmeric, or curry power for a spicier soup.
    2. For a richer broth use chicken stock or miso soup instead of water.

    Instructions:

    1. In large soup pot, sauté the leek, garlic, and shallots in olive oil for 10 minutes
    2. Add bone broth and cabbage – if adding starch include potatoes, for vermicelli add at the end – the cabbage may need to be add slowly over time until it reduces in volume as it cooks down
    3. Add water until cabbage is covered
    4. Add parsley, thyme, salt, and lemon juice.
    5. Simmer for 20 minutes

    To serve, place diced roasted chicken in the bottom of a bowl (or alternative protein like tofu or turkey sausage) add ¼ to ½ cup fresh spinach leaves and pour over with cabbage soup and garnish with thinly sliced green onions.

    For more winter soups, check out:

    Cabbage soup photo album

    Cabbage soup ingredients.

    Bowl of cabbage soup.

  • Week 9 of Winter: Snow

    Waiting for snow…

    This winter has been warm, with scarcely any frost let alone snow. It has been warm, and it has been wet. Yesterday graced us here in the Pacific Northwest with a clear blue sky. My neighbor and I went out for coffee, and she remarked that traffic resembled summer densities with everyone finally getting a chance to go outside to enjoy a bit of warm sunlight. Sometimes clear skies will usher in colder temperatures, but I’m not seeing anything near freezing in the forecast. That doesn’t mean it won’t snow this winter. Sometimes we get snow in February, and I remember a recent year with snow in March. In this region, when the snow comes it may stay for a few days up to a couple weeks, but usually it’s a day or so and then it’s gone.

    Maybe it’s because the snow is such an ephemeral experience here that makes it feel so magical to me. It doesn’t discolor into browns and yellows like in colder places. It’s a fresh white blanket that usually comes down in big volumes. Soon after the snow starts traffic slows and reduces to a fraction of the cars typically driving the roads. People here avoid driving in it, and they can because it lasts for such a short time. Snow radically transforms life here.

    I was waiting, hoping for snowfall before writing about snow in this blog, but I’m not sure we’ll get any in the remaining two weeks. Snow sits comfortably in my top 10 favorite things about being alive. I’d place it somewhere near dogs and sunrises. Snow has never failed to make me happy, and I have never tired of seeing it. Do you know the song, A Marshmallow World? I sing it all day in my head, or loudly to myself when I’m driving, on repeat every time it snows!

    It never quite fully feels like winter until there is snow. To me, winter seems almost to a be place rather than a time or a season. It’s a place of pale sunrises, a place of evergreen trees, a place where only few creatures hunt and forage, a place of the long dark, and a place where snow falls and drapes over every rigid and jagged edge rounding and softening and brightening the entire world in white. Winter is a blue place, a place to find a roadside tavern and sip cider or tea. Winter is a place of morning and night, with hardly a day at all. Winter is a Christmasy place, through which trains travel long distances across northern terrain. It’s a clean place. It’s a place to create and a place to dream.

    It is undoubtably snow that makes winter a wonderous and wistful place. I long for the snow. I look at the mountains rising high above the ocean where I live and watch their snow covered caps change color as the light of the day casts them in blue shadow, warms them in rose then gold, and relieves them bright white against the blue sky. I can see the winter place from where I am in this wet and warm land of in-between-fall-and-spring. Winter reaches out to me from the mountains, and I want to go there where the snow makes it winter, and I wish for it to descend from those heights into the lowlands and brings us to into winter white with snow.

    Late winter March snow of 2024…

  • Week 8 of Winter: Creativity

    A puzzling experience…

    A friend of mine has recently taken up working puzzles on a whole new level. She’s talking about shapes of puzzle pieces, print quality, different types of matching and fitting, different types of problems or concepts in the puzzle picture, and speed puzzling. I’ve been over to her place working on puzzles a couple times this winter, and because puzzles are in the air for me I’ve put together a couple at home on my own. As I searched myself trying to describe the experience of creativity to write about in this blog I found mostly abstractions or experiences that were too particular or too personal to generalize. But then it occurred to me that the experience of seeing a puzzle piece and knowing it instantly as a match for a spot yet to be filled then fitting it perfectly into place, that’s the feeling of creativity. It’s the click of an idea. Not exactly an “aha” or “eureka”, but rather the sudden association of things coalescing into a new, surprising, or unexpected thing.

    Passive creativity…

    Everyone is creative. I know some people don’t think they’re creative, and maybe they are genuinely less creative, but no one has been completely left out of the creativity – it’s part of being human. Plenty of creativity is completely passive. It’s something that just happens to you. In the life cycles of plants we see emergent leaves and blooms become fruit and berries and seeds which become plants that shoot up leaves and blooms. Everything alive possesses a kind of reproductive creativity. And while that may be true and worth considering, it’s not exactly what most people mean when they talk about creativity. Other forms of passive creativity arise from mistakes and errors. Think about language. When people are learning a language, or a child is learning to speak, they will often make charming creative errors because they don’t know all of the rules or haven’t made all of the associations to speak in predictable patterns. Plenty of passive creativity comes from that “oops” moment. Don’t let a good mistake go to waste! Notice the creativity and put into action. People will think you’re a genius, but really you just learned to put your funny and funky and odd errors to goo use.

    Active creativity…

    More commonly, creativity is thought of as an active or dynamic process. Active, like passive, creativity occurs for everyone in everyday circumstances. Problem solving is a creative act. Maybe you’re making a recipe and you don’t have a particular ingredient, what do you do? Do you stop cooking even though you’re part way through or do you improvise? What if you’re driving somewhere and your usual route is blocked or your GPS fails to inform you about construction? Sure, maybe you ask your GPS to reroute, which isn’t very creative, but often you’ll get creative and try something different or something new on your own. Active creativity happens so frequently it’s almost mundane. You just need to notice that it’s happening to tap into the essence of creativity.

    Need a little help being actively creative, use exercises or prompts. My puzzling friend (I think she would like that title) gave me a little box for Christmas that says “Spark Adventure” on the top. Inside it contain imitation match sticks that have a prompt into action like “think of some rules you usually follow, then break them” and “create an alter ego and be that person for a day”. Little exercises like these are inherently creative. Even if you just explore them as a fantasy you’re engaging in creative thinking.

    Explore hypotheticals, what if scenarios, on a regular basis to practice active creativity. What if human beings had long tails like monkeys? What if plants could talk? What if a new floating nation was created in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? What if you were legitimately born as a nocturnal human in a world of diurnal humans? What if you were fearless, what would you do?

    Inspired creativity…

    Another way to access creativity is through inspiration. Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, does an excellent job of bringing inspiration into a creative life. In it, she advocates for “artists dates” where you go by yourself to do something that inspires you or stimulates your creatively. I’m not sure you really have to go alone, although I think it’s good to do sometimes. I still get inspired when other people are present. My favorite easy access activity to feeling inspired is to see an undersea documentary at the IMAX. Something about that alien world that’s here in our terrestrial domain fills me with wonder and ideas. I immediately go into hypotheticals without even trying, like “what is it like to always float – always?” Here’s a great exercise, make a list of everything that inspires you. Here’s mine:

    -under sea documentaries at the IMAX- -the sky- -cars- -driving- -architecture- -museums- -snow- -birds in flight- -bravery- –trains– -paths I can’t see the end of- -walking and running- -Gregorian chants- -the Chef’s Table series on Netflix- -wise words- –a clean space– -hardware stores- -mountains- –putting on shoes– -seeing a friend try something new or overcome a challenge- –critters– -learning- -hunger- -reading- -playing certain video games- -etc.

    Winter’s creative opportunity…

    Creativity thrives in openness. In the Big 5 personality traits, the trait of openness is most strongly associated with creativity. Regardless of how much trait openness you have, there are ways to facilitate openness and use it to a creative advantage. Schedule long open-ended stretches of time to be creative where the end is far enough away that you can forget about it. Clear a room. Push everything to the sides or remove objectives, or otherwise find a big clear space. Be in that space. Go outside. Be creative outside or get inspired outside. Make the most of the winter dark. The long dark nights of winter naturally open a creative space by removing the light from painting color and visibility over the world for long stretches of time. Embrace the seeming infinity of darkness in the winter night. There is opportunity here to experience something new, something inspired, something creative.

  • Week 8 of Winter: Winter Night

    Lingering in winter dark…

    I think some people feel about summer the way I feel about my bed in the morning, they want it to stay in it forever. There are places in the world for people who want an endless summer, like California. I don’t know of any places that offer an endless lie-in in the morning, or, for that matter, an endless winter. As week 8 of my 10 Weeks of Winter project comes near to its close I’m starting to think about the times ahead and leaving the winter dark behind. It’s around this time that I always become nostalgic for the long winter night. As strange as it may seem, I’m sad to see the winter dark go.

    The brighter times of year have a demanding harshness. The sun burns down and blares in at you from early morning until late into the night. It seems to say, “get things done, the light’s still on, go, go, go”. The darkness of winter nights offers something quite the contrary. They blanket the world and whisper words of peace and rest and coziness. I want to stay there, bundled in the winter night. It’s my happy place. In the winter night I rest wrapped in cozy warmth. In the winter night I dream sweet dreams of impossible things. In the winter night I open my heart to quiet possibilities that dwell in darkness. In the winter night I sleep a long deep peaceful sleep.

    Don’t wake me yet from the winter night. It hasn’t gone away. There are weeks ahead, and even in the remaining lighter part of winter I will luxuriate in the velvet darkness that fringes the edge of spring.

    Hush…

    A quiet fills the winter night so differently from summer. During summer the night is mellow but not still. In the winter as the hours grow late a hush washes over every street and house and car and building and creature and person. Everything somehow knows this is a time to go quietly or to not go at all. I love to listen to it, the quiet. It has its own kind of music, but you have to be still to hear it. It sounds like something very close to you in a vastly large space. It sounds like a cool inhale filling your lungs and leaving warmly back out your nose. It sounds like eyelids closing. It sounds like how someone you love looks to you when they don’t know you’re looking at and loving them.

    Starry night…

    Best of all, on a clear cold winter night cast your eyes to the skies. The dark black night of winter was made for star gazing. Diamond twinkles fly across the winter night sky in a spectacular array of constellations and winking and sparkling flirty bits of light from some distance past finally reaching our wondering eyes. If you live in a city, leave for an evening. Go out where the buildings grow shorter and sparser. Find a tall hill or darkened grove or wide field, and look up. Remember the story of the night. We are small in the universe, but we live and we try to understand it. And in that we are like the stars, a many and varied wonder all a part of something bigger than we can ever know. Except on a winter night when we may take a glimpse into the heavenly mystery all around us.

  • Week 8 of Winter: Don’t Think, Just Do

    Trust the process…

    We’re midway through the second full week of January, and I’m already feeling the pressure of ambitions, goals, and resets meeting the hard reality of constraints and limitations. There isn’t enough time, there isn’t enough energy, and it takes effort to take on more or make change. Personally, I’ve never learned how to set realistic goals, and I doubt I ever will because realistic goals are boring. I want my goals to inspire. I want to read them and feel a little (or big) nudge to do the things I need to do to accomplish them. The catch is that I risk feeling like a failure when my goals prove to be too ambitious for me to reach. But I have a technique to mitigate this.

    Instead of setting boring practical goals, I focus on process. I can keep a significant major aim when making a goal, but the day-to-day is about working through and trusting the process. If I’m just running a process I don’t have to feel the pressure of performing every time. I don’t need to perform, I need to show up. Showing up and doing the thing that needs to be done is probably about 80 to 90 percent of the work. Almost everything else flows from laying those bricks, building those pieces up one by one, through just doing it.

    Let’s say you want to run a marathon. What do you need to do? Broadly speaking you need to train, but essentially you need to go for runs on most if not all days until the big race. Yes there are all kinds of approaches that have varying results, but none of that matters if you don’t show up and run. A day where you went for a run, even if you didn’t do all the cadence drills or meet a distance or time target, is a day you made progress because you adding to building a habit and maintaining a foundation.

    When we hit valleys in our progress or motivation, as we often do during the third week of making change, the most important thing is that we don’t stop, we don’t quit. I have found the best way to move through the times of tiredness, burn out, low motivation, low mood, frustration, or exhaustion is to allow myself to work toward showing up and just doing the thing that needs doing at the most surface level.

    Don’t think, just do it…

    The key to making that happen is to not think about it. As soon as the mind starts to entertain any idea, emotion, or feeling, I will tell my mind, “just do it.” Even if the ideas or feelings are positive, I still dismiss them with a “just do it.” The mind is tricky. It will do things to try to get me to entertain my thoughts or feelings instead of doing what I need to do. Nothing may be entertained. Thoughts are not relevant, only action. If “just do it” isn’t shutting up the conjurings of the mind I turn my attention to the next smallest action. If I’m trying to get out of bed, it’s “just lift the blankets”, “just put your feet on the ground”, “just stand”. That’s all. Just go one step at a time. Action breeds action. As more small actions are taken the rest come more easily and with less thought. When I struggle to get myself to exercise, I ask myself to just put on my shoes. Nothing more. I don’t ask myself to do any particular exercises or workout to scheduled timelines or go to any degree of intensity. I only ask myself to put on my shoes. I think that one action has always been enough to inspire other action and the workout takes care of itself without my mind getting in the way.

    Stagnation…

    It is possible to spend too much time in the minimum performance level state. If I’ve gone for a week or two without naturally amping up my activity or actions, but instead am staying at minimum passing levels, it’s a sign that something’s amiss. It worth investigating what’s going on when this happens. For me, it often means I’m not actually interested, or that I have other higher priorities and whatever is stagnating maybe matters to me but not as much as other things. It can also mean that I’m reaching to do more than I’m capable of or simply don’t have enough time. Regardless, the expectations for this activity need to change. Maybe the goal softens, or maybe I decide it’s not for me at this time. Maybe I need to change how I’m going about it or get support or even training from someone.

    Root to rise…

    As the winter wears on and the light slowly returns, more motivation and energy will follow. If you keep going on your projects and changes by trusting the process and just doing the action without thinking about it you will be in a better position to capitalize on the brighter energies of spring when it arrives. Winter provides an opportunity to dig deep and root down so that we can rise up supported and strong. As you encounter challenges and progress valleys, try to remember to just do it to have done it, to knock off another notch, to get those counts of repetition and practice. It will all pay off. It always pays off.

  • Week 8 of Winter: Loss

    Experiencing loss…

    Yesterday I learned that someone important to me has died. There no sentence to follow the prior one. There’s nothing else to say.

    Loss follows an ending. It’s an experience of the lack of something, the lack of someone, that used to be there. It’s indescribable, as though trying to communicate that once there was something and it was terribly important and really nothing is the same without it, but for those who never experienced what has been lost that doesn’t really mean much of anything. A person who experiences loss is, in many ways, alone. Others many be present with them. Others may be able to empathize with them. Others may wish to heal their pain. But the reality is the experience of loss is personal and unique.

    It’s possible to experience profound loss in other ways than losing a loved one. The loss of opportunity may feel significant. The loss or states or time, like the loss of youth, strongly impacts people. And we grieve these losses. We can grieve them as much, or sometimes more, than the loss of people. Loss can also be felt in disappointment. Sometimes we expect or anticipate that something will be or turn out a certain way and it just doesn’t. It doesn’t turn out how we expected at all. And we feel beyond sad, we feel devastated. We feel the loss.

    Grief…

    I had considered writing about grief in this blog. I think winter is a tough season for grief because it is such an internal season. It’s hard to avoid thoughts and feelings related to grief and loss. I think many who have experienced loss may encounter forms of grief during the winter, even if as little as missing a departed friend or family member over the holidays. I had mostly set aside the idea of writing on the topic because it is so heavy, sensitive, and personal, but since it has come into my winter experience it seems appropriate.

    I have been through the process of grief so many times and in so many ways over roughly the last 15 years that sometimes I think if I took bereavement leave for each time I would never come back to work. All this (unwanted) experience doesn’t make me an expert, but I have learned a lot about the territory. Here’s my analogy for grief, it’s like being sick. Really, it’s very like having an illness. Our minds seek patterns and predictability. Whether we have lost a loved one, a job, a home, an opportunity, or have had our hopes, dreams, and expectations destroyed, what we are habitually looking for to be there just isn’t. On a physiological level that means our brain has to rewire or repattern to the way things are instead of how the used to be. When we’re in this state we operate at a diminished capacity. We need to recuperate. We need to get well.

    It’s worth noting that it’s possible to grieve for someone or something that caused us pain or discomfort because there was a predictability to it, a regularity that we could count on. A way to know if you’re experiencing loss or grief is to notice if you are seeking or anticipating a pattern, a presence, and action, or another usual experience that isn’t there. When you notice that it isn’t there usually you will experience some amount of pain. We need time and energy to rewire to the change to our experiences and expectations after a loss.

    However, I have felt the feeling of not wanting to rewire. That absolute resistance to being okay with a world that was missing my beloved. I understand that the world is wrong after a loss, and it makes no sense to think of it in any other way. I have felt this feeling many times, and I think it is normal. I don’t think you can choose out of it. In grief we need rest and quiet. In grief we need a winter season for ourselves to be in the dark. I have lived in the dark of grief for long stretches of time. For a while it’s the only place that makes sense.

    Eventually, and often without force or will, something new will begin to emerge. There is a kind of spring that follows the winter of grief. The broken dark world starts to shape into a different world. I’m sorry to say, you can never go back, and when you feel back into that prior world it will hurt because it is gone. Instead, if you look around at this new world you may find something good, something to move into, something different that’s possible. I have learned that there comes a time after the mental and emotional devastation of loss when looking forward is the only option and the right option. It’s possible to honor what has been lost in moving forward, but not to take what was lost into the future. It’s possible to transform something of what was lost that still remains with you or within you and let that become something of the present and the future. This is the way forward, but it is a process. There’s no deciding to get over something, there’s just feeling the loss, recovering from the shock and upheaval of grief, and then turning toward what’s now and what’s next and making that as good as it can be.

    I have also spent considerable time thinking about what would be important to those who I have lost. What would they want me to do? Who would they want me to be? How would they want to be included in the times ahead? Depending on the person I have different answers, but I believe everyone I’ve lost who loved me would want me to live. Live well. Live brightly. Live fully. Live without regret. Live actively and not to let life pass me by. Add good things to the world. Do interesting things in the world. Laugh and play and love and appreciate the opportunities that remain. Be sad. Feel the pain, the loss. But don’t let the loss prevent you from being here and being alive while you still can.

  • Week 8 of Winter: Movement

    Getting going…

    In the long morning dark of winter, when I intend to wake up and get going, the gravity of unconsciousness drags a stubborn resistance against my greatest intentions and strongest motivations. It’s like an ass pulling a cart in the opposite direction. It doesn’t care about the destination, it has a will of its own.

    I’ve tried many and various tactics to overcoming sleepiness in the morning dark. Most of which have had low to moderate effects. Perhaps some people are wired differently and can pop awake from sheer will or desire for the day, but not me. The ass pulling the cart wants to sleep long and there is no persuading or life hacking out of it. It’s force within me, but seemingly independent from most of the rest of me. Ultimately, I have to work with it. So, the question becomes, what does it want?

    Part of the pull to continue sleeping in the morning is definitely tiredness. Sometimes I go to bed late and am waking up before I’m done resting. Sometimes I’ve been working hard or exercising hard and I need more rest. Getting enough sleep to feel rested, for me, has to be priority number one if I want to be ready to get out of bed in the morning. But there’s more to it than that. Some days I find it easier to roll out of the covers than others, and my observation is that it has a lot to do with what and how much I am planning to do that day. Too much work, pressures of tasks and to dos, and lots of novelty to contend with (whether good, bad, or otherwise) give me some amount of overwhelm and anxiety. I don’t want to face. The outlook is frankly painful, which isn’t enough to cause me to roll over and return to the blacked out bliss of sleep, but when it’s painful and there’s seemingly no meaning, purpose, or reward attached then I recoil from the day. The ass pulling the cart grows too relentless to overcome, and I give in.

    But when I give in, I lose something. I lose the opportunity to experience my favorite part of the day: the morning. I lose the chance to get a jump on things and address some of those tasks and to dos. It feels wonderful to roll over and return to sleep, but I pay for it later and give in to a cycle of staying up late because I have so much to do, resulting in less sleep, resulting in a stronger pull to sleep in when the morning comes.

    Morning movement…

    I had to talk about getting going in the morning before talking about movement because morning movement is essential to building energy and becoming strong, and if I can’t get going early enough I miss this crucial component of movement. On the internet you can find an infinitely growing list of activities to do first thing in the morning when or near when you get out of bed. Obviously no one can do them all, you have to choose. I have my own get out of bed rituals, and, near the top, I begin the day with a very short lying down stretching routine. I’ve tried other practices that are more strenuous or upright, but they are not a good fit for me. When fighting that urge to continue sleeping, if I’m asking myself to jump into something that feels hard before I go live the rest of my hard day (as I imagine it in the morning) I’m not going to do it. Instead, I have found starting movement that feels good to me and is in a position that requires minimal alertness. I start by lying down on the ground in my living room and doing windshield wipers with my legs. That’s all. Note, I go out of my bedroom so that I am no longer in the sleep space and lie down elsewhere. Windshield wipers can be done by bending your legs at the knee and swaying both legs loosely together from one side to the other. As I start doing this sometimes I count, and sometimes not, but eventually I will start counting until I reach about 30 or until I feel a little more awake. This is the entire point. It’s not the specific activity that matters, it’s an activity which allows me to get a little more alertness through both time and gentle motion.

    After doing some windshield wipers the pull of the ass is quite diminished, and I move on to lying in reclined butterfly pose – feet together, knees spread wide apart to the sides. This is an additional hip opener adding to the windshield wipers which furthers flexibility in the hips and low spine. So much movement generates from this region of the body. Doing light stretches and exercises targeted at this region feels like basic hygiene, i.e., like brushing your teeth. It facilitates everything else I’ll do that day. After the butterfly pose I complete my little routine with 20 bridging repetitions and 20 second holds on each side with legs bent at the knee and pressing into my hand on the same side.

    By the time I’m finished with this very brief lying down routine I usually don’t feel the desire to go back to bed. I don’t always feel quite ready to jump into anything taxing or strenuous, but I feel awake. Getting my ass (pun intended) out of bed to do the stretches is made simpler because I can ask myself: “Can you get up and go lie down in the floor? That’s all you have to do. Can you do just that?” Most of the time the answer is “yes”. By giving myself something very easy, not painful, and sometimes something I recall feels good I am able to bypass the heavy resistance I feel to getting up in the morning. Additionally, this morning routine sets up me to perform more complex and intense movements later.

    Timing a workout…

    Writers are often instructed to experiment and find their writing zone, with some feeling more creative and productive at night, others in the morning, and I suppose there are midday writers out there, but it seems most like the quiet hours. Exercise functions similarly. There are times of the day when the body is more ready for a workout than others. For myself, I like mid-afternoon. My brain is usually ready for a break after about 1:30 and that makes it easier for me to focus on a workout instead of thinking about other things, and I often need an energy boost around that time. It’s worth remembering that exercise gives you energy. It gets the blood flowing, literally. While mid-afternoon is my ideal time, it’s not always a practical time. Meetings, agendas, life in general may occupy or butt into midday time slots. If there’s a workout I really need to perform consistently, I have to plan it for before or after work hours or schedule it directly into my workday.

    Making progress…

    Getting into a routine is the first step in making progress with working out. I’ve had the most success with making exercise a habit by establishing a bare minimum and sticking to that bare minimum with great consistency. And by bare minimum, I mean so completely easily doable that I can’t fail to accomplish it. For strength training, I have set bare minimums at 1 set of 1 to 3 reps at lowest weight or just body weight. If I do just that much for each exercise then I get a gold star. Why? Because I’m creating and maintaining a habit. When the bare minimum is that low it’s possible to complete the requirements even with very little time, very little energy, or very little motivation. Usually I do more, but sometimes the minimum is all that happens and that’s fine. Having the bare minimum option helps me learn to show up regularly and consistently, until the workout eventually becomes more habit than something I need to really think about and get motivated to complete. I learned this approach when recovering from a bad ankle sprain. After a few weeks of rehab I started walking again. I couldn’t go far, so I started with going to the end of my block and back. Slowly I added in additional blocks, never demanding more than to the end of only a little ways into the neighborhood. I discovered that it became a simple matter to step outside and go for a walk even when the walks became quite long because I had the habit and didn’t feel a great pressure to go hard or perform.

    If you’re like me there’s a little noisy part of you that says, “that’s all well and good, but I do want to go hard and perform.” I totally get it. Here’s what you need to know, you still can. Setting a bare minimum doesn’t mean you never go hard. It means you’re disciplined in showing up, and when you show up then if you want to go hard, by all means go hard. The discipline of showing up to perform at a bare minimum or more wins out as a better, more reliable practice than a go hard mentality that fails to show up or for practical reasons (like illness and injury) isn’t a possibility.

    Getting addicted…

    With a movement habit in hand, it’s possible to start to feel the craving for movement. Eventually your mind will start attaching dopaminergic states and the feel-good hormones of endorphins to movement activities and practices. It’s literally a cure for depression. We’re made to move! But I think we’ve attached too many self-assessments and identities to movement. We think we’re bad if we’re not good at it, or we think only certain types of personalities (e.g., jocks or young women living in the state of California) would ever play a sport or go to a yoga class. All of these ideas are ridiculous. The evidence is abundantly clear that movement is for everyone at every age in any walk of life. I truly don’t believe that it matters how intense a workout is, what matters is that you participated in some movement. So do what’s fun. Do what you will do, as they say. Keep it low pressure. But if you have a goal, and you need to train, and winter mornings are tough for you like they are for me, enlist a workout buddy, get a trainer, or sign up for a class – anything to get you up and out and totally addicted to movement.